What Is "Relational Intelligence?"
Thursday, February 4, 2010 at 05:16PM JOHN: We've just begun a new series around TerraNova called, "Relational Intelligence." I'm pretty excited about it, because just about everywhere I go, I'm seeing signs that we (and by "we" I mean "me" too!) could all use a little more.
For the past few weeks, I've had a frequently repeated question in my Facebook status: "What is relational intelligence? What does it look like? Or, for that matter, what does relational UNintelligence look like?" I've had a bunch of responses, and I'm posting some of them as the first "comment" to this entry. Click the green link below this that says "comments" to see what my Facebook friends have been saying.
But I'd love to hear your thoughts, too. So enter a comment yourself and weigh-in: "What is Relational Intelligence? What does it look like in a person?"
Reader Comments (6)
D. G.: I think not so much intellectual intelligence, but being intent with the relationships in our lives to commit to time spent with the people we love and care about. If you want to have a friend, BE a friend :-)
B. S.: A relationally intelligent person is able to identify and articulate their feelings, recognizing that it is only one part of a multi-facited picture. They also know that every feeling they have doesn't need to always be communicated, but the big ones should be in a careful and other-oriented way. Being able to laugh at ourselves is a good way to keep a healthy perspective as well...
O. K.: Relational intelligence and emotional intelligence go hand-in-hand. Understanding cause and affect in relationships, understanding how to build relationships and gain trust in relationships is very heavily based on on emotional intelligence. Understanding how your own emotions affect how you interact with others, and having empathy for others in their circumstances are necessary for strong relational intelligence.
C. W.: Relational UNintelligence is blindly repeating the same negative patterns of relating and thinking that somehow, something will be different in the relationship.
J. S.: The ability to identify and empathize with others' perspective or experiences.
N. N.: Intelligent relationships come from accecpting each others flaws and complementing each others strengths. And understanding the difference.
J. L.: The most intelligent people I know in relationships are those that know they don't know it all. They realize relationships take work and that no one is perfect. They are willing to put the work into the relationship. They are quick to ask forgiveness when needed. They are of a humble spirit, no arrogance.
E. E.: #1 Being a good listener.
K. T.: Empathy
S. U.: Relationally intelligent = people who really understand and know what it means to have a relationship. All the layers and depths of interacting with other people regardless of race, creed or religious background.
R. E.: Is there really such a thing? I thought it was an urban legend.
Those are some great ideas! I really identify with what B.S. and O.K. offered and I think it has to do with more than the fact that I like their initials.
Part of what they shared really relates to last weekend's message on seeing ourselves.
As a relationally challenged person and after much thought I've come up with this: 1- you need to be aware of body language and sesitive to what it's telling you. 2- you need to be able to hear with an open heart. 3- you need to REALLY care about what the other person is saying. Falseness is obvious to a hurt soul. 4- both parties need to feel safe. And 5- (my personal downfall) If you've been on the receiving end, you need to be ready to give in return... Throw the ball back... Care about the other and get beyond your self absorption... Be an active participant in the relationship. How that?
Good stuff, Tink. You're on a roll!
WOW so many layers to that question.
1. Love
2. Treat others the way I wanted to be treated (naw, better)
3. I got a log in my eye so I better be darn careful about showing you the speck in yours
4. Respect
5. Care
The next two get really tricky
6. Truth
7. Honesty
Which leads to
8. Vulnerability
9. Transparency
That hopefully leads to
10. Trust (Sometimes Trust needs to go to #1 or even #6. Just depends....)
In a relationship that is new, the best thing I have found, to not say a thing and just listen.
**Disclaimer, I got a LONG way to go **
See yourself ..... Manage your emmottions .... Accept yourself and others. Just a wild guess, could be "acknowledge", or "accentuate", or maybe even "accupuncture" ..... Yikes, we took that a lil bit too far, didn't we.
That picture of "me", the male dominant .... out of control, (only for a few ninutes, mind you), and then desiring my mate to remain in control .... during my momentary hissy-fit really hit home. In the Get Smart detective series, We had Control attempting to subdue KAOS ..... sooooo be SMART, and "control" the chaos, hmmmmmmmmmm .... in doing so Agent 99 and Agent 86 live happily ever after.